Thursday, October 9, 2008

Okay, I know that I'm not a committed blogger, but ...

I'm going to give this blogging thing one more try. Yesterday, I read on Freelance Writing Jobs, that all writers should have a blog. And I surmised from reading that article, that I should blog at least once a day, if not every hour. Well, dear friends, you won't hear from me every hour, but I'll try to get something blogged at least once every other day. My musings will be influenced by the Bible, a novel, or a famous saying. So stay tuned ...

Day #1--Here's a musing that I cooked up after I got out of the shower this a.m.:

Proverbs 30: 7-9 (NKJV)~

"Two things I request of you--(Deprive me not before I die): Remove falsehood & lies far from me; give me neither poverty or riches--feed me with the food allotted to me--lest I be full & deny you, and say, 'Who is the LORD?' or lest I be poor & steal, and profane the name of the LORD."

I pray the scriptures because they're God's Word. I seek His face through his Word, and I feel a connection with the Holy Spirit through this type of praying rather than my 'give me' list of prayers.

And I realized this morning, that God answered this prayer. You see, I've had this dream since I graduated from high school that I would be well-satisfied through a career, and later, when kids came along, my husband would provide nicely for us. Well, my husband is eclectic like me, and I never realized it. He's happy as a clam working in an IT customer service job. Unfortunately, those types of jobs don't pay *well.* And by well, I mean a job that pays the bills and allocates disposable income.

A few years of ago, we moved to an older development. Previously, we lived in a very, very small semi-detached house. Now, our current home costs more (although not as much as some) and the taxes are a little bit higher. But it's worth every penny and an answer to the prayer. But, I didn't realize my answered prayer until last Sunday.

My husband is content in his job, and he's where he belongs. He loves people and can transform technological jargon into people-speak. But it doesn't pay enough. So, for the last 15-20 years--we dated for three years & have been married for 15--I've tried to transform him into the man-provider that I wanted him to be. I've tried talking him into going back to school, applying for different jobs; get career counseling; read more computer books, etc.,etc.,etc.---all to become the one-man money tree like I dreamed about over 20 years ago. But like a good man, he didn't change. He stayed the same. And when I say that he stayed the same, I mean he continued to mature, doing his best, but he didn't cave to my nagging.

Meanwhile, my nagging and impatience with him was driving me nuts! I fretted over money, the house, his job, his job security, & our dwindling savings. Finally, we talked to an older couple from our church, who mentors us. We met with them a week ago to discuss this scary thing called money and the lack of it. This couple helped us put things in perspective, reminded us to write down our long-term goals, and come together as a foursome in the coming months to discuss our goals.

Well, I've been wanting to write down goals with my husband for years. Finally, we got a chance to do it. Once I listed my goals on paper, I knew in my heart that this project defined what my real values were. I was relieved to find that I wasn't that materialistic, money grubbing gal I thought I was. And I realized that my husband is hard-working ... so much so that he's willing to work two jobs to support us. And he's always been like that. I just didn't realize it because I focused on his transformation into my image.

Last Sunday night, I gave up pursuing my husband to become like my dream man. Instead, I apologized for my bad behavior, asked God to forgive me, and remembered that God wonderfully and fearfully created my husband, just like he created me.

And in doing so, I've realized that my prayer has been answered all along. My family has a roof over its head; plenty of food to eat; and clothes on our backs. And nice clothes, too, even if they're bought second-hand. We don't look like bums, like I always feared we would if we needed to sacrifice. So, I can say with joy, "God, you answered my prayer. I'm not rich. Thank God. And I'm not poor. Thank God. I have a great husband, two wonderful children, and a career I can do out of my home so I can be there for my family. Thanks, God!"