Like most nosey women, I like to look at the social pages. Who's engaged to who; who just got married; etc. And I when I read the blurbs under the photos, I wish all of them the best, but I worry for them too. Do they realize the challenge marriage is? Do you?
Marriage isn't about happiness...it's about commitment. It seems that once you say "I do," life changes for better and for worse. Think about--the work is just starting as you walk down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. But during the magical times of first meeting, the first kiss, the dating, the engagement, etc., life is bliss. And the realization that reality begins on Day 1 to Day Last doesn't really dawn on the couple until the first fight.
Then it becomes, "It's your fault!" "No, it's your fault!" and the hubby, because this is typical, not gender bashing, is shocked at the yelling, so he walks away. Meanwhile the wife, cries, feels sorry for herself, and calls her mother/best friend/ sister to belittle the husband. And this is just the start...Wait until
- The economy goes down and one of you gets laid off...
- Your child is born with special needs
- Your mother-in-law has boundary issues between her son and you
- Finances are tight, and you can't buy your daily grande, skinny, double-espresso at the local Starbucks on your way to work
- You exchange Nordstroms for Good Will
- You drive an old car rather than a brand new SUV
- Your spouse is addicted to alchohol, drugs, and/or porn.
What are you going to do? Stick with the marriage or bail? Sometimes, it's easier to bail, but it's not always right.
See these are the things that starry-eyed lovers don't think about. If they do, they look at it in a far-away attitude that love will cover a multitude of the lover's sins.
But when it hits the fan, after the honeymoon is a distant memory, will you stick it out for the long haul? Will you see it to the end of your life or your spouse's life (and I don't mean suicide or murder).
These issues are dire, and all couples will experience these relational earthquakes. As statistics paint the picture, half to over half will bail out of the marriage, with at least a kid or two in tow. Then we remarry, and remarry, and shack up because we're attracted to the same type of person, but we're the victim--and the new and previous spouses are the sorry losers that we constantly flutter to because we're destined for losers. Wouldn't it be better to stick with the original spouse and work it out---for better or worse? I think so...more on this post later...
For instance, do you ever think about your beloved