Marriage Isn't for Sissies Part 2

Con't ... did something that could potentially destroy your marriage?

Last week, I attended my first support group for addicts and partners of addicts. While I don't want everyone in cyberspace to know what addiction my husband suffers from, I will acknowledge that we've been stuck in a dark period of our marriage for the past 10 years due to his addiction. It's like that picture of a kitten hanging on for dear life to a branch and asking God to help him/her.



We got to the place for the support group. There were all types of men and women there--and all kinds of addicts ranging from alcohol, drugs, and sexual addictions. I took one look in the room for women (they separate men and women) and I backed away. I told my husband, "I can't do this. I'm not like that. I'm better than this!"



Yikes, I was in denial--big time! I tried to back away, running away, anything to get out of there! In my mind's eye, I prepared myself for a perfect marriage--I went to pre- and post-marital counseling, and I dragged John along. I thought we were prepared for any rift in our a relationship, and we wouldn't need anymore help!



The clock got to 6:00 p.m., time to close the doors, and begin group. I finally gathered up my courage, and said goodbye to John as he went merrily to his group. I beelined to the nearest chair to the door. Women kept pouring in...and in...and in...until there were three to four young women sitting on the floor. The woman next to meet was squeezed into the corner, blocking the door. It definitely wouldn't pass a safety inspection, or an easy escape for me. So, I sucked it up.



Everyone went around the room, introducing themselves. When it came for me to say, "Hi, my name is Wendy, and my husband is a ____________." In reality, it wasn't like that...but I was pithy to say the least. I said, "My name is Wendy Komancheck. My husband's next door," indicating that he was the reason I was stuck in this room of damaged goods.



After an hour, I started to relax, and I realized that I wasn't alone. There was another angry wife there; there was a woman who has made it with her husband in recovery (and they're still married); and women who confessed their struggles ... even struggles that I've dealt with. I felt that I was in a room of friends. People who've been in my shoes and have survived the storm. I had hope ... hope that I could survive this trip with my husband. We can do it...



And that's why marriage isn't for sissies.

Marriage ISN"T for sissies and other news

Okay, first I put up my picture. Aghhhh! But Molly, my part-lab/part-Border bollie, is a real beauty, ain't she? I think so.

Like most nosey women, I like to look at the social pages. Who's engaged to who; who just got married; etc. And I when I read the blurbs under the photos, I wish all of them the best, but I worry for them too. Do they realize the challenge marriage is? Do you?

Marriage isn't about happiness...it's about commitment. It seems that once you say "I do," life changes for better and for worse. Think about--the work is just starting as you walk down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. But during the magical times of first meeting, the first kiss, the dating, the engagement, etc., life is bliss. And the realization that reality begins on Day 1 to Day Last doesn't really dawn on the couple until the first fight.

Then it becomes, "It's your fault!" "No, it's your fault!" and the hubby, because this is typical, not gender bashing, is shocked at the yelling, so he walks away. Meanwhile the wife, cries, feels sorry for herself, and calls her mother/best friend/ sister to belittle the husband. And this is just the start...Wait until

1. The economy goes down and one of you gets laid off...
2. Your child is born with special needs
3. Your mother-in-law has boundary issues between her son and you
4. Finances are tight, and you can't buy your daily grande, skinny, double-espresso at the local Starbucks on your way to work
5. You exchange Nordstroms for Good Will
6. You drive an old car rather than a brand new SUV
7. Your spouse is addicted to alchohol, drugs, and/or porn.

What are you going to do? Stick with the marriage or bail? Sometimes, it's easier to bail, but it's not always right.

See these are the things that starry-eyed lovers don't think about. If they do, they look at it in a far-away attitude that love will cover a multitude of the lover's sins.

But when it hits the fan, after the honeymoon is a distant memory, will you stick it out for the long haul? Will you see it to the end of your life or your spouse's life (and I don't mean suicide or murder).

These issues are dire, and all couples will experience these relational earthquakes. As statistics paint the picture, half to over half will bail out of the marriage, with at least a kid or two in tow. Then we remarry, and remarry, and shack up because we're attracted to the same type of person, but we're the victim--and the new and previous spouses are the sorry losers that we constantly flutter to because we're destined for losers. Wouldn't it be better to stick with the original spouse and work it out---for better or worse? I think so...more on this post later...

For instance, do you ever think about your beloved