Five Random Thoughts on Parenting

1. Parenting is not for sissies-Like marriage, parenting is hard work because you're the adult. Your children aren't put in this world to be your friend, give you love or companionship, to save your marriage, or to shoulder your problems.



2. There are days when you'll want to hang up the towel-But don't give up! I remember when I had two boys, infant and 19 months old. And I thought I was going to pull my hair out. Also, my husband and I have had to deal with behavioral issues in our children that went on for years. Finally, it clicked with the child we have been working with--and we don't always know which method did the trick. Maybe a combination of them all. Maybe the child matured to a level where that particular behavior was working for her anymore. Who knows? The key is to keep going even if you think that you're losing the battle. We're put in charge of our offspring to raise them to be productive adults in society. That kind of parenting takes continual hard work, prayer, and perserverance.



3. Parenting is meant for a team of two, not a team of one-For those of you who are single-parenting because your spouse has died or has abandoned you and the kids, this tip isn't for you. For those of you who are sick of your husband playing Wii rather than talking to you, go get some marital counseling. Your kids will thank you for it. Research has shown that kids do better in homes where parents stayed together compared to parents' who divorced--even amicably.



4. Filter your mother's advice--Mom sometimes does know best--especially when it comes to eating your veggies. But discount that voice which would harm your child, such as putting baby cereal in the baby's bottle to make him sleep longer through the night, or would interfere with you or your husband's values, morals, or the family mission.



5. Remember you're the parent--And that can be a blessing or a curse. You're the adult in the relationship with your child(ren). Your children need you to set boundaries for them, as well as provide consequences for disobedience and disrespect. On the other hand, you can relax at certain times of your day, week, or weekend and snuggle up with your little ones to read and play together.

Marriage Isn't for Sissies Part 2

Con't ... did something that could potentially destroy your marriage?

Last week, I attended my first support group for addicts and partners of addicts. While I don't want everyone in cyberspace to know what addiction my husband suffers from, I will acknowledge that we've been stuck in a dark period of our marriage for the past 10 years due to his addiction. It's like that picture of a kitten hanging on for dear life to a branch and asking God to help him/her.



We got to the place for the support group. There were all types of men and women there--and all kinds of addicts ranging from alcohol, drugs, and sexual addictions. I took one look in the room for women (they separate men and women) and I backed away. I told my husband, "I can't do this. I'm not like that. I'm better than this!"



Yikes, I was in denial--big time! I tried to back away, running away, anything to get out of there! In my mind's eye, I prepared myself for a perfect marriage--I went to pre- and post-marital counseling, and I dragged John along. I thought we were prepared for any rift in our a relationship, and we wouldn't need anymore help!



The clock got to 6:00 p.m., time to close the doors, and begin group. I finally gathered up my courage, and said goodbye to John as he went merrily to his group. I beelined to the nearest chair to the door. Women kept pouring in...and in...and in...until there were three to four young women sitting on the floor. The woman next to meet was squeezed into the corner, blocking the door. It definitely wouldn't pass a safety inspection, or an easy escape for me. So, I sucked it up.



Everyone went around the room, introducing themselves. When it came for me to say, "Hi, my name is Wendy, and my husband is a ____________." In reality, it wasn't like that...but I was pithy to say the least. I said, "My name is Wendy Komancheck. My husband's next door," indicating that he was the reason I was stuck in this room of damaged goods.



After an hour, I started to relax, and I realized that I wasn't alone. There was another angry wife there; there was a woman who has made it with her husband in recovery (and they're still married); and women who confessed their struggles ... even struggles that I've dealt with. I felt that I was in a room of friends. People who've been in my shoes and have survived the storm. I had hope ... hope that I could survive this trip with my husband. We can do it...



And that's why marriage isn't for sissies.