Marriage Isn't for Sissies Part 2

Con't ... did something that could potentially destroy your marriage?

Last week, I attended my first support group for addicts and partners of addicts. While I don't want everyone in cyberspace to know what addiction my husband suffers from, I will acknowledge that we've been stuck in a dark period of our marriage for the past 10 years due to his addiction. It's like that picture of a kitten hanging on for dear life to a branch and asking God to help him/her.



We got to the place for the support group. There were all types of men and women there--and all kinds of addicts ranging from alcohol, drugs, and sexual addictions. I took one look in the room for women (they separate men and women) and I backed away. I told my husband, "I can't do this. I'm not like that. I'm better than this!"



Yikes, I was in denial--big time! I tried to back away, running away, anything to get out of there! In my mind's eye, I prepared myself for a perfect marriage--I went to pre- and post-marital counseling, and I dragged John along. I thought we were prepared for any rift in our a relationship, and we wouldn't need anymore help!



The clock got to 6:00 p.m., time to close the doors, and begin group. I finally gathered up my courage, and said goodbye to John as he went merrily to his group. I beelined to the nearest chair to the door. Women kept pouring in...and in...and in...until there were three to four young women sitting on the floor. The woman next to meet was squeezed into the corner, blocking the door. It definitely wouldn't pass a safety inspection, or an easy escape for me. So, I sucked it up.



Everyone went around the room, introducing themselves. When it came for me to say, "Hi, my name is Wendy, and my husband is a ____________." In reality, it wasn't like that...but I was pithy to say the least. I said, "My name is Wendy Komancheck. My husband's next door," indicating that he was the reason I was stuck in this room of damaged goods.



After an hour, I started to relax, and I realized that I wasn't alone. There was another angry wife there; there was a woman who has made it with her husband in recovery (and they're still married); and women who confessed their struggles ... even struggles that I've dealt with. I felt that I was in a room of friends. People who've been in my shoes and have survived the storm. I had hope ... hope that I could survive this trip with my husband. We can do it...



And that's why marriage isn't for sissies.

Why I stay married

This is an excerpt from a prayer letter that I wrote tonight. I won't go into the details for this discussion, but if you're suffereing in a marriage, here's some encouragement:

“Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, and I hate a man covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” Malachi 2:13-16.

Thanks for your prayers. When we walk with Jesus with live in what I call “Opposite World.” God allows bad things to happen to us to develop our character, which the end means being more like Jesus. I’m reading an excellent book called How to Live Right when Your Life Goes Wrong by Leslie Vernick. She shares, “Sometimes God reminds me that Sydney (her pet parakeet) and I are not that different. I am small. I am limited. I am bound by time, space, and my human flesh. I know nothing about eternity or the bigness of God. All I know is what I experience. But my experience does not define the boundaries of reality. No---there is more to it, beyond what I can see or even imagine. Just because I do not know it doesn’t make it less real or true. God offers us glimpses into this ‘true realit’ (as I will call it) if we will take the time to see through the lens of his eternal perspective.”

And God says in Romans 5:3-5-“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perseverances, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love inot our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Amen!